I've just been reading back over some older posts from around the time I last moved house. I'm overwhelmed as to how much has changed in just two and a half years.
I no longer regularly smoke weed
For a long time I saw weed as a release. Then, is was a way to forget. Next, it was a tool for 'deleting the day' and finally a crutch which gave me terrible paranoia, stopped me concentrating and made me tidy-up like an obsessive freak. Cutting back on weed has been one of the most massively constructive things I've done over the past two years and I'd never go back to regular smoking now. The only time I use it now is if I'm out walking or very occasionally at home. I rarely buy any and if I do I get tiny amounts so there's no danger of anything other than a few joints over a few days so I don't overdo it. It's unfortunate that it's taken a few adverse reactions to the drug for me to take a step back but it's fantastic I've taken the step at all and I'm incredibly pleased to be free of it and the mental baggage which comes along with it. I even kept a couple of joint's worth at home for more than a week without considering having a spliff which, as anyone who's ever smoked with me will tell, you is a miracle.
My alcoholic tendencies are waning
Looking back on how much I used to drink and how often - even at the start of this year - I'm amazed I didn't slip into total alcoholic meltdown. Living on my own, having alienated most of my friends and generally sitting on my arse being bored, I turned to alcohol for entertainment and to block out the bad things I didn't want to think about. After I had counselling I cleaned my act up quite a bit but I slipped back into old habits quite quickly. Cider was the weapon of choice against boredom, formerly stupidly strong 7% or 8% stuff which broke my head for the evening and most of the next day and ruined my insides. Once it became apparent that stuff was likely to kill me I switched to slightly weaker stuff, although I've just realised 6% isn't that much weaker. I'd get a 2l bottle of that and drink it over a couple of hours and get a nice buzz on without feeling out of control or getting terrible guts the next day. Still, it was too much and I've managed to get myself out of that habit recently. It's an interesting observation that I used visit the alcohol section of the local supermarket almost every day whereas now I almost deliberately avoid it, even when it crosses my mind to 'just have one small beer with dinner'. Astonishing really, as there's been no specific point where I've told myself to do this. I think one of the reasons is that I'd noticed myself getting grouchy and picky with my daughter and didn't want to act like that. When she first moved in I virtually cut out all drinking at home, but when she settled in and things became more familiar, I again slipped back into buying 'the occasional drink'. I put a stop to that, though and now I can't remember the last time I bought 2l of cider. I'm very proud of this and intend on extending the process to reign-in my drinking in social situations so I don't get catastrophically drunk.
I've stopped smoking cigarettes
This has been a work in progress for many years. Now I'm at the point where I can take or leave cigarettes and it's a great place to be. For years I was under their spell and slave to their drug and habit but I'm happy to say I very rarely have cravings. I only tend to smoke when I'm out drinking and occasionally have one at work or at home. When I do have one, I'm constantly aware of making myself smell terrible and this is a big contributing factor in ensuring I don't start again.
Continued in part 2...
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