Adapting

I had to chastise daughter last night. In her room I found a sheet of paper for booking visiting times for school parent's evening in the middle of November - a parent's evening I had no idea happened. She was apparently given the sheet on a day she was sent home sick and forgot to give it to me.

I was pretty angry but I think I kept my head. The main reason I was upset is that it appears to have coincided with one of her school reports which she was particularly disappointed about and I ended up attending an extra meeting with her head of year to find out how she was getting on with her second year at the school. I felt like I must have looked a bit foolish booking a meeting with her head of year after apparently missing her parent's evening for no apparent reason.

Anyway, I did my usual thing of not really thinking my actions through and went off on one a little. I didn't lose my temper but I don't think I handled it particularly well and I went on a bit too long, diluting my point.

I'm learning that I should take a few deep breaths and maybe rest on my thoughts a bit before confronting her with things which piss me off. When my emotions are high I tend to ramble and lose track of what I'm trying to achieve, and giving myself time to clarify that is important, especially when dealing with someone who's had to put up with an irrational and unpredictable mother. It's interesting watching her reaction when I get het up, and hopefully she takes it on board when I make it clear I'm not going to lose my temper or hit her.

It's obvious that we're adapting to each other's way of behaving. I've lived alone for almost three years and with other adults the rest of my life, only having daughter around every other weekend for access visits. Daughter's lived with her family until three years ago when her mum and stepdad split up, and since she's lived in various places and configurations of mother, brother, sister, stepdad and his new family, and me. It must be hard for her to keep having to learn how to act around all these adults with their foibles and nuances and varying personalities. She's doing incredibly well considering all the other early-teen stuff she's going through, and I'm proud of her for that.

It's a massive learning curve, and I'm sure we're still moving slowly along the steep beginnings.