- this time for taking it to bed with her when she knows she's to leave it charging in the living room. My reasoning is that if she has her phone in bed she'll stay up late texting and Facebooking until all hours, effecting the quality and length of sleep she'll get. When I got in last night she was in bed and her phone wasn't on charge so I assumed she had it with her and decided to see how she handled it in the morning.
Morning, etc. Where's your phone?
Not sure, maybe in my blazer pocket?
*checks* Nope. Is it in your room?
At this point, I'd love it if she just held her hands up and admitted to taking it to bed with her, but no. We go to her room and she checks shelves, the table, under her bag, under the increasing pile of clothes: no phone.
Is it under your pillow? Nope.
So I start removing bedclothes and dressing gowns and pyjamas and there it is, pretty much exactly where I expected it to be, face-down under her dressing gown. Even now, caught out, she digs a little deeper.
You knew it was there.
No, I put it on my bed when I got undressed and I guess it moved.
Show me the last text message you sent on there.
She flicks through her phone with her tail between her legs and shows me her last message, sent at 9.47pm, thirty minutes after she turned her light off and I went into her room and said goodnight to her.
Here's me, inside, calm but pissed-off: ARGH! Do you honestly think I'm totally stupid?! I've known since 9pm last night that you had your phone in here, yet you spin me a web of bullshit to try and worm your way out because I've caught you red-handed doing something you're not allowed to do.
Here's me, outside, pissed-off but calm: Right. Why do you try to bullshit me? When you're caught, just admit you're caught. The fact that you had your phone in here after bed isn't that big a deal, but bullshitting me and searching around your room for something you know the location of is deceitful and an insulting charade. I can smell bullshit a mile off; I've had lots of practice.
I confiscated her phone on the basis that I'd told her if I caught her taking advantage of my absence again I'd ground her. I was aware her youth club meeting wasn't on tonight so I decided to 'hit her where it hurts' and take her phone for a day instead.
When I asked why she preferred to lie over coming clean, she said it's because she's afraid I'll yell.
Am I yelling this time?
No. (I was a bit, not shouting but definitely frustrated)
Have I yelled the past few times?
No.
Please, I'm much more likely to get pissed-off and yell if you're lying to my face, and much more likely to stay calm if you just admit what you've done so we can talk about it properly without the deceit and inference of stupidity.
I can see that she's testing the boundaries. I'm aware she's trying to get away with small things to see how far she can get. I know she's growing-up. I feel like this was blown out of proportion, but I'm not sure I was the one doing the inflating. I think my response was measured and proportional, although perhaps confiscating her phone for 24 hours was too harsh. I may give it back to her half-an-hour before bed this evening instead of keeping it for 24 hours. I may ultimately decide she can keep her phone in her room. Maybe I'll give her a 9.30pm lights-out instead of a 9pm.
It's interesting that I'm thinking about giving her more perks or freedom in return for her breaking the rules and trying to deceive me. Mabye this is a response to her saying she goes to bed earliest out of all her friends, and saying it more than once. Last time I defended her early-to-bed routine she said 'I wasn't complaining' but I'm not sure I believe her. Fundamentally, I know how important good sleep is to an efficiently-operating mind and I've been encouraging her into a good sleep routine for this reason. However, I may be depriving her of a fundamental teenage tradition: staying up late during the week and sleeping in at the weekends. I'm sure that being tired during the day will effect her performance at school and I think I'm trying to protect her from mistakes I've made in the past.
Hmmmm. Maybe she's old enough and mature enough to make these mistakes for herself. In fact, she definitely is. Maybe its time to loosen the apron strings a little more.
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