Daughter's back

and there's nothing like a few days apart to help you appreciate why you love someone so much.

Separation from daughter is a completely natural thing for me. Until a year and a half ago, it was the permanent situation. She'd visit every other weekend, we'd hang out and she'd return home on a Sunday evening. There'd be a twelve-day gap between visits. It's just the way things were.

I knew that I missed her terribly when she was with her mother, but I buried it. From one to twelve years old, every fortnight when it was possible, daughter and daddy came together, shared a life and moved apart. The anxiety experienced when separating became as routine as the Saturday-morning cartoons or Sunday-afternoon swim. The tears and butterflies evolved into a kiss and a cuddle and a "Love you, see you soon."

When she moved in at Easter last year I didn't dare dream it'd be for good. Any possibility that it might be permanent was buried. As the situation progressed it seemed that her mother wasn't moving forward with her life and daughter would be staying with me. Now we're in a lovely day-to-day routine, although because she's spreading her social wings I've had to learn to let her go again. This has been difficult, not least because it only seems like a brief instant we've been close.

So, after four days away we sat and ate Ben & Jerry's and talked through what she did on her first youth club residential and her first trip to a nightclub. She was so happy and effusive - once I asked the right questions - and reeled off lots of exciting things she'd done and memories that will stick with her forever. That half an hour was one of the nicest we've spent together for a while. We followed it up by pitching and taking down a new tent I'd bought for our short road trip coming up in a fortnight, which was fun too. Then, a little tv, dinner, and off she goes again to youth club.

Letting go is hard. Very hard. But it's wonderful to watch your butterfly learn how to use her wings.