Read Part 1
Faced with the question of what I'd like to see in my perfect partner's personality, it's very tempting to go off on a rant about what I don't want instead of focussing on the good things. I think it's indicative of the relationships I've had that I'm inclined to list undesirable negative traits instead of preferred positive ones. I might do that later but for now I'll remain optimistic.
She's got to be smart. I don't know if I mean book-smart, streetwise, academic or what, but I'd love to be with someone who is interested in the universe or physics, history or anthropology or something along those lines. Someone who's interested in the world around them, even if it's a passing interest, I really like that. I suppose it's reflecting part of my own personality, whether it's self-discovery or reading books about photosynthesis, that is an underlying urge to understand and investigate nature and the universe we live in.
She should be completely at home in nature. I'm thoroughly comfortable in the great outdoors and she should be happy with all weathers, big hills, long valleys, camping, hiking and generally being out in it.
She must be musical. Preferably she'd play an instrument or sing, but that's not a prerequisite as long as she has an interest in music of all varieties and will put up with my hip hop obsession. An enthusiasm for live music would be a bonus.
She should like her own space and want to maintain an active social life outside our relationship. I'll want time to myself and to see my friends on my own too and she must be completely at ease with that. I'll definitely want to spend plenty of time with her - let's face it, right now she sounds pretty fucking perfect - but we must be able to live apart as well as together.
She should be financially independent but willing to combine funds to run a household. I don't care who earns more; I'd happily be a kept man or stay-at-home dad, as it'd give me a chance to focus on the charity, but being financially open and the sharing of all income is a must. For example, if I earn more I'm happy to throw it all into the pot towards paying for everything, and I'd expect the same from a partner when it came to living together. I've never really understood couples who owe each other money or one pays the mortgage while the other pays the bills. It's a relationship, a partnership, and as decisions on major things should be shared, I also feel money should be too.
She should enjoy going out, meals, pubs, parties and the like, but also enjoy staying in and doing sweet nothing.
It's only been over the past couple of years that I've met women who enjoy computer games. I bloody love them and enjoy watching people play them or playing them together. This is a quality I find so attractive I'd place it quite high on the list were I asked to rank them. Being able to get around a computer and the internet would be nice too.
She's gotta have an open and active sense of humour. If she can make me laugh, bonus. If she can make me roll my eyes that's good too. She must be tolerant of the fact I can come out with some right shit sometimes.
She should be sexy, not just on the outside but fundamentally sexually aware and active. She must be affectionate and cuddly and loving, not afraid to talk about good feelings and bad, willing to share intimacy both physically and emotionally.
I quite like maternal women, not just those who look after their kids but who are motherly and caring in that way. Not that I want to be mothered really, but I do appreciate the positive aspects of a maternal nature.
I'd quite like someone with a bit of authority. I suppose that's confidence and self-assurance by another name, but I'm definitely attracted to a somewhat strong character. That doesn't mean I'll put up with being ordered about - something I'll cover if I do a 'things she shouldn't be' post - but it'd be nice to be with someone who's sure of themselves.
She should be happy to motivate me. I often need a kick in the arse to get myself doing something and she must be willing to give me a nudge in the right direction occasionally.
Last but by no means least, she has to be willing to accept my daughter. I'm not specifically looking for a mother figure because it's not a simple case of me being with someone and daughter accepting her in that way, but were things to work out like that it'd be wonderful. I think what I mean is that whoever I end up with should accept that I have a teenaged daughter and she's a big part of my life. Our relationship is close and I'd be ecstatic to open that up to the right person so long as she was willing to take it on. I don't know whether I want more kids really, the one I've got is incredible and we'd have to be so lucky to make another even half as brilliant, and I think I'm kind of past that phase of my life now. Despite it being pretty hypocritical I'm unsure as to whether I'd want to take on anyone else's children, depending on the quantity and whether they're balanced or not, although I'm open to suggestion about that too.
This has been a really interesting exercise. I'd never really encapsulated all these thoughts and desires and looking at them it's much more clear what I want. The fact remains that I'd be incredibly lucky to find someone with just a couple of these traits, it's nice to know what I'm looking for.
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