...mainly because it's never happened before. I'll start this post by saying I'm incredibly proud to have done something that was previously so unthinkable and still really enjoy myself. It's a testament to how wonderful my friends are that I had such a brilliant time without the social lubrication I usually depend on.
Anyone who's known me for more than five minutes knows I like a drink. A night out at a pub where the beer and conversation are flowing, I tend to get pretty pissed. My ability to pace myself has regularly deserted me and I dread to think how many units I'd get through in a standard binge. For the past year or so my social life has been much quieter which has been both a blessing and a curse - the former being that I haven't been getting trashed as much, the latter because now I'm getting back into socialising I realise how much I missed it.
This uncharacteristic period of beer-free clarity was brought about by an event that was both mightily enjoyable and quite tragic at the same time: an old friend came up from London and with the help of a more local chum we went out and turned our brains inside-out. It was a really enjoyable night, what I can remember of it, but I know I shamed myself because flashes of memory make me want to hold my head in my hands. Not only that but I ruined myself for the following day and knocked my sleep out by so much I'm still recovering eight days later.
The contrast between having a fantastically epic night out and seriously damaging my self-esteem and sleep patterns is quite obvious. When I went out a fortnight ago to celebrate a friend's birthday I got nicely drunk and got up for an eight-mile walk at 8am the following morning. I didn't really enjoy the first half of the walk and the effects of a short night's sleep followed me through the week. So, this weekend past I was due to walk again the next morning and decided not to drink. Most times I was offered a drink I turned it down, and I'd only accept a lime and lemonade if someone insisted. Every time I thought about alcohol but resisted, I gave myself a mental pat on the back and some personal kudos, strenghtening my resolve not to drink. I went into the pub thinking I'd maybe have a pint later, but once I realised how easy it is and how much fun I was having without the booze I decided to not drink all night. A number of people raised their eyebrows when they realised, and someone called it 'stupid' or 'silly' which I found quite surprising. A good friend who quit alcohol recently told me she's completely sick of people asking her why she doesn't drink and telling her she's boring and crazy, and I can see how that would get wearing. I'm going to have to get used to it though, because I think there's going to be many more occasions where I'm not going to drink.
I'm going to repeat myself now because it's a great thing and it's important I praise myself for it: I'm so very pleased, having the strength to not drink on such a big night out. I've changed my diet recently and I've moved away from putting things through my body which aren't good for me, and I guess alcohol is an extension of that. I've cut out strong cheap cider because I thought I might be allergic to it or one of its ingredients - that is still the case but I want to steer clear of it because it messes me up and is no good for me, so maybe I've taken some strength and learned some lessons from my dietary changes.
If you'd have told any one of my friends that I was going out for a big night in the pub but wouldn't have touched a drop of booze, they'd have bet good money you were wrong. I'd have probably done the same thing too. As it goes, it was far easier than I thought, much more fun, I only spent £17 instead of the £60 I got through one night recently, I didn't make a twat out of myself or catch myself slurring at anyone, I didn't buy munchies on the way home, I wasn't tempted to fill my face with chicken and chips and chili sauce from the kebab van and felt bloody brilliant the next day. I've come away with so much insight and strength it's crazy. At the moment, I can't think of a good reason why I'd want to go out and get completely pissed ever again.
Edit: further to this post: I often envy Jamie...
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