I declined at the time for a few reasons. I got a great sense of pride in ending years of anti-depressant use during my therapy a couple of years ago, and though it'd be nice to beat this episode without chemical intervention.
My brain has brought the subject up a couple of times in the past few days. I didn't really pay much attention until Kate said "Are you taking anything for it?" last night. My response, "Funnily enough, it's crossed my mind a couple of times recently," and set myself the task of exploring it further today.
Why has it jumped into my mind? I've had various mood swings recently. I think if I'd have started therapy straight away I'd perhaps be on a more even keel and wouldn't really be thinking about medication, but because I'm having to wait for the system to pick me up and process me I think I'm just in limbo, neither here nor there, quite possibly deteriorating while all this stuff in my head twists and turns and stagnates and confuses.
I guess it comes down to the benefits versus the drawbacks. In writing that down, I'm trying to think of the drawbacks and clutching at straws a little. Ah, ok. There's the slight dent to the self-esteem that comes with having chemical assistance to help me through this. I'd love to think that I'm the master of my mind but it appears otherwise.
The benefits seem clear: fewer mood swings, settling of sleep, perhaps a little cotton-wool around the mind. I'm concerned that it'll dumb me down but I'd like to think I'd notice if it were having anything other than a levelling effect on me.
The more I write about it here the more obvious it seems: There's no real reason why I shouldn't go back to medication and a few good reasons why I should.
*makes phone call*
No comments:
Post a Comment