Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I asked for further questions

from my friend to help me explore these issues around uncertainty and lack of control, and she was wonderfully forthcoming, with some proper counselling-style questions to help me focus.

In recent posts I described physical symptoms associated with strong emotions. Can I isolate a single emotion or is it a combination?

A quick-fire list: fear disappointment rejection uncertainty anger. The uncertainty makes me angry and scared, disappointment's definitely there, and I feel rejected by the person or event/universe that drops the changes on me.

Rejection stands out from that list as being somewhat out of place. I kind of understand where the other emotions are generated - I'd like to explore them in more detail - but rejection doesn't seem to fit with the rest of them and I'm wondering where that comes from.

Rejection 
See Also: ABANDONMENT
Cast away [anger] like spoiled milk —Marge Piercy
Discarded like outmoded customs —Elyse Sommer
Discarded (me) like yesterday's underpants —Sue Grafton
Dropped … like a dead fish —T. Glen Coughlin
Dropped [from a list] … like a hot rivet —Loren D. Estleman
He shook them [young women] off his back like a young stallion shaking off an unskilled rider —Russell Banks
Keep at a distance, like someone with an infectious disease —Anon

Discarded, dropped, cast away, abandoned... For some reason these all sound like they don't belong in this post but they all feel right. I just can't see the link between uncertainty and feeling rejected.

Is it about consideration? You're keeping me hanging, making me uneasy, changing plans on me because you don't care how it effects me. You haven't considered how it'll impact me. I think the point here is that it shouldn't effect me, there should be no impact. I'm an adaptable guy and I should be able to react to uncertainty without resorting to confusing emotions such as these.

I'm confused and quite possibly too tired to give this my full attention, so I'll have to try again another day. But try again I will, as I'm intrigued about the root of all this.

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