You've been warned. If there's things you think you don't want to know about me and my personal habits, just don't read this.
I've decided to go through a period of abstinence as a test of not only my will and mental ability but to see if I can get some feeling back into my old boy. Having a high libido and a very inactive sex life appears to be something of a curse as my regular routine of stress relief, and my method of achieving release, appears to have taken away a lot of the natural sensation I used to have. It now takes me a good ten or fifteen minutes to get where I want to be and while it's fun and ultimately satisfying I know that if I carry on this way, when I finally get get going with a partner I won't be able to finish without doing it myself.
This has been an issue for a fair while - three or four years. With two partners I had - the last almost three years ago - I had real difficulty finishing not only psychologically but physically as well. I know the reasons behind the psychological issues and I feel completely capable of getting past those now, but the physical side of things is different.
It's for this reason that I'm trying to back off from my regular one or two a day. Most often, two? Yes. Is that lots? I don't know, maybe. Is it bad? No, it's brilliant. It's become routine, like something nice I do when I wake up and a treat before I go to sleep. That sounds kind of trivial now I mention it; it should be a treat but treats should only be taken occasionally else the shine wears off them. I guess we'd get bored of sex if we had it once or twice a day. Okay, personally I might not get 'bored' of sex as such... but I think my point is clear.
What this does mean is that I'll have an extra fifteen or twenty minutes free most mornings to do all those things I don't get a chance to do, like make sandwiches or have an extra shower. Nice. It also means that I can build my confidence in my ability to stop doing just about anything that's become routine. I managed it to a reasonable extent with lots of things - cigarettes, weed, alcohol, ready meals, junk food and crisps. That I get myself into these things in the first place is a whole other matter, but it's nice to see a pattern of recognition and strength in my behaviour when it comes to things I need to change.
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