until, perhaps, the moment daughter got a Facebook account. Now her social life is exploding, not just thanks to Facebook but to her outgoing attitude and recent exploration of youth and music clubs. She seems to have made friends with a nice bunch of people and has spent much of this Easter holiday hanging out with various new people and people she knows from clubs and schools. It's quite lovely to see her going from a somewhat meek and compliant schoolgirl tied-up in playground politics to a functioning and confident member of a wider friendship group.
Over the years, when faced with allegations that I'd be more protective, I'd hate her boyfriends and worry constantly about her as she got older I was always nonchalant and dismissive because I'm a cool cat, relaxed and chilled, man, and daughter has always shown that she's bright and self-aware and quite mature in her ways. In practice now that I'm faced with the task of letting her become more independent and distancing herself from my care and conversation I'm finding it harder than I thought I would, because I've been a full-time parent for a year now. If things had been as they were, I'd see daughter for one weekend a fortnight and maybe occasionally during the intervening days. I think I've been gifted with her final days before she grows up, and I'm eternally grateful for that. If she'd come to live with me now, our reasonably trouble-free integation might have been a completely different story as it would have come as a shock how self-reliant - or friend-reliant - she's become.
That's not to say she doesn't need her daddy any more - I'm sure (and hope!) that'll never be the case. She got a bit of a reality check on Sunday in the form of contact with the police, not because they'd done anything wrong but because one of the group was very worried about someone and called the police for help. You can imagine my surprise when she called me saying she was with the police but not to worry for the above reason - apparently my face gave away the impact it had on me - but my pleasant surprise when she asked me to come and get her and seeked a hug when I did was very fulfilling. I'm very pleased someone had the presence of mind to call the police - the reason was quite serious - and many of them stuck together and waited for the police to come, while others slinked off into the afternoon.
I've always been pretty easy-going when it comes to letting her do her own thing, but that's become harder now she's hanging around with kids slightly older than her. It's something we've all done and I think it'll do her good; maybe this group have gone beyond the catty in-fighting which seems central to her friendship groups at school, and maybe they can concentrate on the fun things about being a teenager while exploring what it's like to be an adult within a safe and tight group of friends. That's my hope, anyway, and I'm crossing my fingers that she gets the opportunity to spend time with these people at school too. Maybe her classmates will see what they're missing.
In loosening the apron strings a little, I'm hoping to give daughter the space she needs to become an adult without going too far and leaving her high and dry. Hopefully she can see that I'll always be there for her if she needs me, and will learn not to neglect me, and appreciate the respect I have for her in letting her be her own person. Finding a balance between overbearing and too hands-off is proving harder than I thought it would, but I'm really enjoying the challenge.
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