as I'm sure most parents do, so after going off on one about the state of daughter's bedroom a couple of nights ago I spent some time thinking about my reaction and looking on the internet for inspiration for how to deal with it.
I spent the first thirty-two years of my life being incredibly messy. My god, if there were photos of some of the messes I've let my dwellings get into I'd be ashamed to post them here. It's safe to say that for various reasons I was incredibly lazy in terms of keeping tidy and often let things get completely out of hand before taking weeks or months to do anything about it. I absolutely hated it, but wouldn't change - in part, I guess, down to depression and self-destruction.
More recently, since I got my head in order I've been more organised and regimented in keeping my surroundings reasonably tidy. This has been increasingly difficult since daughter moved in as the amount of stuff in the house has literally doubled. It's a tiny living space as it is and most of our lives are currently in the loft.
I've known for a while now that daughter is naturally messy. What with me and her stepdad as inspiration, she's learned from the masters. Her mum tries to be tidy I think, but that's not filtered through to daughter and I think my reaction to her messy room the other day shows why. Keeping a room tidy is seen as a chore, something you're ordered to do under pain of punishment. Kids go through a cycle of making a mess and being forced to clean it up by a parent unhappy about standing on hair-clips or having to sort through a mountain of clean and dirty clothes. Something on the internet said that the reason most teenagers are messy is because they haven't learned to be tidy, so I hoped to teach daughter how to keep her room in order.
I came up with a simple strategy. While she was out at her club, I tidied her room and made sure everything had a 'home'. Books, papers, CDs, hair bands, jewellery, teddies, bits and bobs all have a place to live and go back to when finished with. I tidied it top-to-bottom - it took me two hours and looked amazing. I cleared out a fair amount of clutter and put it in the loft. When she came home she was so surprised and really happy. I said 'Wouldn't it be amazing if it was like this every time you came in here?' and typically she rolled her eyes at me. I told her the only reason she's messy is because she hasn't learned to be tidy, and introduced the concept that every single item in her room has a 'home' which is in a drawer or cupboard or on a shelf - not on the floor. Hopefully with some encouragement and praise she can learn where everything lives and continue to keep the room tidy, and I can stop getting stressed about it.
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