Bullying

Most men don’t want to admit that they’re in an abusive relationship. They describe the relationship and their girlfriend/wife using other terms like crazy, emotional, controlling, bossy, domineering, constant conflict, or volatile.

I've never thought about it quite like that before. It was the question my therapist asked, "Have you ever been bullied?" that set me off along this path.

We did some work on core values and beliefs, the things in the past that have contributed to who I am now. I mentioned my dad, his relationship with my mum and us boys, and my relationship with Sophie's mum. She asked the question and I thought about it for a moment, before explaining that although I never really felt like I fitted in at school, I wasn't bullied more than the occasional falling-out with someone and the flak that came with it.

Tara brought me back to the relationships with my father and daughter's mother. I started thinking a little more and could feel a revelation coming on. I always get a sense of impending achievement just before these revelations, anticipation of a wonderful, helpful insight. My dad never really bullied us directly (although that's open to interpretation), but he certainly bullied mum. Sophie's mum definitely bullied and abused me and, just as in that quote above, I never really admitted it until these past few days.

I was bullied, by my girlfriend. I had an abusive partner. I think it's a big step forward to see what happened in that light, because that's exactly what it was and, in knowing that, I can start to move forward with getting past it

I did some reading before I came online this morning. I had to modify my search somewhat to find information specific to a woman bullying a man, instead of vice versa. One of the hits, below, rang so many bells it startled me:

http://shrink4men.wordpress.com/2009/01/30/10-signs-your-girlfriend-or-wife-is-an-emotional-bully/

Just like the opening quote above, I classed her behaviour as manipulative, controlling, crazy and angry, not as abuse or bullying. Now I see it for what it is, I can work through it, but I'm surprised how hard the realisation has hit me. I intend to explore this theme of bullying further in the near future as I firmly believe it has a strong influence on some of my current behaviours. The realisation that it was bullying/abuse that I suffered has had a strong impact on me and I'd like to explore that further.