and I have three words to describe how I feel at the moment: low, tired and low. I had a couple of late nights over the weekend, although I slept in and feel I did rather well at the whole "getting back to sleep after waking too early" thing both Saturday and Sunday morning.
I have smoked weed this weekend and I'm tempted to place some of the blame for feeling low on that - I've noticed something of a pattern with smoking and feeling low a day or so later, which is one of the reasons I decided to stop. This weekend was a watershed - I baked the majority of the weed I had left in a lovely cheddar and oregano bread and took it over to my friend's house on Friday. I gave what was left and all my rolling papers to my friends and had a fantastic night Friday, another on Saturday and a great day yesterday, seeing lots of lovely people, getting involved, playing with kids and dogs and adults alike. It was lovely.
Now it's back to the daily realities of getting up for work, I just feel a bit pants. I had fantasies while falling asleep last night that I was working in a school and helping corral children back into the building after break. Waking up this morning with the knowledge I'd be sat in front of this screen in a boring office was not a good start to the day. I'm not surprised by this contrast in mood really - with such a lovely weekend, coming back down to earth is a bit of a shit.
Also, it's grey. This is supposed to be summer, for fuck's sake. I even considered wearing a coat today, it's that shit out there. At least it's not still hammering it down with rain, but my god I could do with a few days of prolonged sunshine. And a break, a holiday. More than two or three days off anyway, some time to get away from work and home and just have some time to myself. At least two or three times this past fortnight I've considered ditching work at short notice, or taking a sudden half-day, because I just want to vegetate or walk or sleep or cook or do something other than work.
*mutters*
Anyway, stuff to look forward to... possible walk on Thursday evening, depends what the weather's doing. I'd like to try and walk more, but this weather simply isn't inspirational. Stuff at the weekend - not sure whether there's a walk in there but my friends have a house-warming/baby-welcoming thing on Saturday so I may try and fit one around that. I thought about maybe borrowing the money to pay for my plane ticket to Australia but I'm not sure I feel up to asking today. I'll think it through more and make a decision over the next couple of days.
C'mon drugs, level me out some please. I know the increase in Citalopram and cutting out the weed will make a huge difference, I'm just getting impatient now.
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