- fortunately only figuratively, for now. Today I'll probably have to justify myself to an academically-trained clinical psychologist and counsellor over the phone, and I've got a feeling of dread about it.
I think there's a couple of reasons for this, but first a little background. A client I'm seeing under the charity is involved with the county mental health team and has bounced along a string of referrals before finally being referred for weekly group therapy for two years. Her current counsellor is running the group sessions and she's had three or four individual sessions with her in the past month to do some groundwork.
During one of their recent sessions the did a "family and friends influence" exercise where the client drew-up a representation of important and influential people, positive and negative, and I came up on her radar as quite important. In the client's words, the counsellor seized on this and asked lots of questions about me and the charity, and warned her that because I'm unqualified and a complete stranger she was in danger of harm. The client was very defensive of me, as I think she has been with her husband and other people who've asked about me.
Her counsellor is completely right, of course. I'm an unqualified, inexperienced amateur building his listening skills on-the-fly. While I know I'm not completely useless and I certainly helped my last client to a good extent, this whole situation makes me question my validity as a listener. If I look at the charity and my service from the outside, it's unproven, un-accredited and from a professional standpoint, entirely Mickey Mouse. Damn.
From the inside, though, it's a warm, effective, informal service and I feel I'm making definite headway in improving my skills. I'm trying my hardest to be ethical and responsible and I regularly write notes after each session with a client, detailing themes we discussed and reflecting on what I did right and wrong. I'm determined to better myself and learn from mistakes so I can provide the best service to my clients on an informal basis. As a personal rule I've always been completely clear from the start that I'm not a trained counsellor and there are limits to what I can do, and in a couple of circumstances I've been clear with clients when I feel out of my depth or unable to help. I still get little butterflies in my stomach when going to a session and general elation afterwards, even if it's not been particularly productive. That it helps others feel better and get stuff off their chest is all I ever wished for this service, and I've never claimed to be able to fix all the world's problems from the comfort of my walking boots and rucksack.
I do have my concerns about this current client and our relationship, which I'm due to talk through with my best friend this evening over dinner. I think perhaps I'm insulted that a professional has chosen to undermine me by being so openly negative about me and my service, but I'm working on convincing myself it's not personal. She's just concerned for her client, I guess, and while her concern is somewhat misplaced I understand where it's coming from.
Well, I'm confused, and still a little scared about the possible confrontation. I'll just have to take it as it comes and politely stand up for myself if I have to be defensive. I'm certainly not going to be offensive and I'll answer any questions she has with honesty. Still... *fear*
I've had a little time to reflect on this - and a few kind words from someone - since posting and after some thought I've changed my position somewhat. In looking at this person as an academically-qualified and experienced counsellor, I've automatically put her on a pedestal and declared her better than me. I've created a mental divide which is dominating my thinking and putting me, the amateur ear-to-bend, well below her in my reckoning.
The kind words were "...please remember just because this person is 'qualified' doesn't mean she is a better person than you." Wise words indeed, because that's exactly what how I was treating her! My heart is in the right place and, with care and practice, I can provide a positive and helpful service to people who want my help.
I am not blind to the danger that I may make things worse for a client in the future. A mistake could lead to dragging up emotions or focus on something that isn't important. I'm beginning to learn that because counsellors subscribe to a life of continuing professional development, making mistakes is a natural part of the process and should be learned from instead of causing undue regret.
I'm grateful for this chance to reflect on my skills, motives and efficiency within the charity. While I've decided - for now - not to follow the path of qualifying as a counsellor, I'm dedicated to developing myself as a listener and provide people with an informal service combined with a lovely walk in the country.
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