and I'm on a level. It's pretty nice. I did sit with half a pill in my hand the other day, wondering whether I should double the dose back up to 40mg to help me get through this most recent of bumps in the road, but I'll stick with 20mg for now and have another think about it when I run out. I think I'm level and capable enough at the moment to face all these challenges without the need to lean on the drugs so much. I'm self-aware and keeping a good eye on myself, as well as Sophie, to make sure we're both level or on the up. The minute I notice I'm struggling, I'll re-evaluate.
Sophie has been through another short-notice doctor's appointment, an evaluation with the mental health team at CAHMS and has an appointment to start some developmental work with the counsellor who assessed her. Nice lady, Becky, very professional, a typical mental health assessment which I've been through a number of times myself. Sophie was very open and honest with her and didn't hold anything back, which is wonderful to see. I know how easy it is to go to these things and clam up and be so overwhelmed by the event and the feelings that you can't elicit any kind of information. But no, she was smooth and informative and helpful, on the outside at least.
At times it's been incredibly difficult to deal with her unending negativity. I know it's a symptom, I know it's how she's feeling generally, but my god I never thought it'd be so hard to see my little girl go through it. I'm trying my hardest to be stable and supportive and on a level myself, to give Sophie everything she might need to get through the day-to-day struggle I know she's experiencing. I think she's stable, I'm less worried about her now than I was a few days ago, and it's very comforting to know that she's in The System and things are moving forwards at a pace that I wouldn't usually expect from a service like CAMHS.
We also have a backup in the form of Sophie's school nurse, Linda. . Sophie has been very open with Linda and the nurse related some of her past to Sophie. They seem to have experienced similar ups and downs in their lives, and Linda told us that if we find the CAMHS service isn't working as we'd like, she'd get in touch with "her people" and get us on another route. Again, it's so comforting to know that someone at the school is watching over her and offering their professional support. Thank you Linda.
So, it's a steady plod to normality for both Sophie and I. Keep your fingers crossed the way is clear.
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