Big change a-coming I reckon

in that, with an increase in clarity and motivation from the Citalopram and various other things, I've made some rather important life decisions which I hope can drive me from now on. Along with a wonderful, fulfilling and promising relationship with Tess, which approaches half a year this next couple of weeks and I can see going on indefinitely, there are three things I'd like to try and achieve over the next five years:

1. Train and get regular work as a Teaching Assistant in a primary school
   Starting by getting experience at after-school clubs, I'd like to follow this path. Recent interaction with youngsters has confirmed how much I get out of working with youngsters and, to modestly quote Tracey, how good I am at it. I had lofty aspirations of being a primary school teacher a few years ago but they were certainly beyond my means. TA work would mean getting many of the benefits and experiences of working with children without the headache of a few years study and the bureaucracy and life take-over that comes with becoming a teacher. Of course, the pay scale would be vastly different but I'm all about the work-life balance, which is probably a poncey way of saying I'm lazy, but I also know my limitations. I feel that TA work is a happy medium between doing nothing and going the whole massive insurmountable hog and doing teacher training now.

2. Register the charity, apply for grants and whatever funding possible
   with a view to not only making it pay its own way but to build it to eventually create an income for me. I've always seen it as a potential full-time project and I'm sure with some investment, a little help and some hard work it could be made as such, and if it were possible, it would be perhaps the best job in the world. This ties in with the next thing, below.

3. I want to train and qualify as a counsellor
   This is something I've always shied away from because I've not considered myself capable or had confidence in my abilities. I feel every day it's becoming more clear that I'm definitely capable of doing anything I really put my mind to, and tied-in with getting the charity moving properly is a requirement to solidify my skills and place me firmly into the role of the manager of a mental health charity and counsellor. I can't remember the exact words Tracey used as we were discussing this but she inferred I had enough natural talent to hit the ground running if I were to join her course. To have Tracey display that confidence in my ability is a real boost as I have so much respect for her opinion. I'm thinking about joining the Adlerian counselling course she's been doing for the past few years, I've ordered a book by Adler called What Life Could Mean to You and a copy of Adler for Beginners, of which I read half of Tracey's copy and really enjoyed. I'm reading Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Dummies at the moment, falling back on the "for Dummies" books as a great source of beginner's information, and finding it fascinating. I know I could study this, I know I could put the time and energy into it to refine my skills and get that qualification. Man, that would be so utterly brilliant. I'd actually be doing something with my life instead of plodding along day-to-day, bemoaning my current situation and not doing anything about it.

Three things. Big, important things. I'd love to say I'm intimidated, but I'm not. I'm excited. And sure. I'm rarely sure, but this time I can feel it. Big things are afoot. Let's enjoy the ride.