After a lot of hard thinking and working things out this past fortnight, I've become
increasingly daunted by what needs to happen by the middle of April, just twelve weeks away now, to let the charity hitch-hike go ahead. I'm putting too much pressure on myself to get it done in such a short timeframe. While it would have been nice to do it this spring, I'm resigned to the fact that it's simply too much for us to achieve in such a short time.
Therefore I've decided to put the hitch-hike off until spring 2010.
In the meantime, I'll be working hard to establish the charity locally, and within the surrounding counties by the summer of 2009. I think it's important to get the charity up and running this spring, and start sowing the seeds of taking the project nationally, well before doing any kind of major publicity drive.
I'll be looking at some smaller-scale ideas for fund raising and applying for grants and funds from all the organisations I can to help run the charity. Moving the hitch-hike to 2010 is an attempt to take the pressure off and get the charity established so there's something tangible to publicise next year.
It was quite a realisation, how much pressure I was putting on myself, and the scale of my fear of failure. I've forced myself to focus on achieving my goal, been so determined to not let anyone see I've failed, that I've wound myself up into a ball of nervous energy at the thought of not succeeding.
So, by taking some of that pressure off and allowing myself more time to achieve my goals, I'm being kinder to myself.
And that's rather good.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Safe!
I've actually managed to save some money!
This is incredibly rare for me - I honestly can't remember the last time I had spare money sitting in the bank. In fact, it's been more than a year since I had any money in the bank!
So, what to do with it? I've a few uses in mind. I hope to keep adding to the fund - it's currently just over £100.
I have a number of priorities.
My instinct is to save enough to buy ladders and gear for cleaning windows - a job I can already do quickly and efficiently, and have contacts for, and is an easy sideline to earn some extra cash.
Having started a charity, the money could go a long way sat in the charity account. It would allow me to fund my first walks - minor travel expenses like bus tickets and lunch for two.
I owe my landlady some money. She was kind enough to give me a break on a couple of hundred quid when my last boss got drunk and wrapped his car around a tree. It was kinda 'This is your last chance' territory - she's been very helpful as we've talked about my mental health quite often, and she's suffered herself, so she's sympathetic. But I'd like to try to pay her kindness back.
I also owe my best friend for a suit she bought me for our mutual friends' wedding.
And I'd love a Wii! I borrowed my brother's Wii recently and it was great fun. I suddenly spent more time gaming than I had for a long time.
Having written out my options, I think it's somewhat more clear. I'll pay back my landlady, then my friend.
As much as I want the window cleaning gear, and know how much fun I'd have with the Wii, my landlady has been patient and helpful, way beyond what any normal person would do. Therefore, I'll get it all together and pay her back this weekend.
And my friend? At least I know that I can save money now, despite not earning much. So I know I can pay her back soon.
All that other stuff can wait its turn.
I think Earl Hickey's karma-like philosophy might be rubbing off on me.
Toothpaste update!
Mr Colgate, you and your family are safe. I bought some of your Herbal brand toothpaste, which contains sage and myrrh, among other herbs. It's ace - it was cheaper than regular paste, it leaves my mouth considerably more fresh, and doesn't make me want to eat my own head. So well done - five points to the Colgates, and to the small, obscure chemist who was the only retailer in this whole town to sell alternative toothpaste for adults.
This is incredibly rare for me - I honestly can't remember the last time I had spare money sitting in the bank. In fact, it's been more than a year since I had any money in the bank!
So, what to do with it? I've a few uses in mind. I hope to keep adding to the fund - it's currently just over £100.
I have a number of priorities.
My instinct is to save enough to buy ladders and gear for cleaning windows - a job I can already do quickly and efficiently, and have contacts for, and is an easy sideline to earn some extra cash.
Having started a charity, the money could go a long way sat in the charity account. It would allow me to fund my first walks - minor travel expenses like bus tickets and lunch for two.
I owe my landlady some money. She was kind enough to give me a break on a couple of hundred quid when my last boss got drunk and wrapped his car around a tree. It was kinda 'This is your last chance' territory - she's been very helpful as we've talked about my mental health quite often, and she's suffered herself, so she's sympathetic. But I'd like to try to pay her kindness back.
I also owe my best friend for a suit she bought me for our mutual friends' wedding.
And I'd love a Wii! I borrowed my brother's Wii recently and it was great fun. I suddenly spent more time gaming than I had for a long time.
Having written out my options, I think it's somewhat more clear. I'll pay back my landlady, then my friend.
As much as I want the window cleaning gear, and know how much fun I'd have with the Wii, my landlady has been patient and helpful, way beyond what any normal person would do. Therefore, I'll get it all together and pay her back this weekend.
And my friend? At least I know that I can save money now, despite not earning much. So I know I can pay her back soon.
All that other stuff can wait its turn.
I think Earl Hickey's karma-like philosophy might be rubbing off on me.
Toothpaste update!
Mr Colgate, you and your family are safe. I bought some of your Herbal brand toothpaste, which contains sage and myrrh, among other herbs. It's ace - it was cheaper than regular paste, it leaves my mouth considerably more fresh, and doesn't make me want to eat my own head. So well done - five points to the Colgates, and to the small, obscure chemist who was the only retailer in this whole town to sell alternative toothpaste for adults.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Latent hate
It's odd that you can go your entire life trudging along, day to day, without noticing how much you hate something.
I spent the first 32 years of my life blissfully unaware that I hate the taste of something I've tasted incredibly regularly since I was a nipper.
You'd think it'd be impossible, right? You put something in your mouth, it tastes bad, you go 'bleurgh' and don't eat it again. Like cauliflower. Cauliflower does that to me, so I don't eat it.
But this isn't a thing man can escape, at least not with the limited resources available in this town, and especially without the realisation that you do actually dislike it.
Its sticky texture, overpowering flavour and chemical aftertaste leave me wanting to murder my tastebuds twice a day.
That's right. Mint toothpaste.
Now that I've opened my mind to the repugnance of mint toothpaste, oh how I want to destroy Mr Colgate and his kin. The taste of minty hell every time I brush my teeth brings me to my knees.
I've just been reminded that there are other flavours out there. I tried one, years ago
- strawberry flavour. This was like the nectar of the gods - brushing was nice, almost peaceful. I remember feeling calm.
So tomorrow, when the shops open again, I'm going shopping for alternative flavours of toothpaste.
I'm rock and roll, me.
I spent the first 32 years of my life blissfully unaware that I hate the taste of something I've tasted incredibly regularly since I was a nipper.
You'd think it'd be impossible, right? You put something in your mouth, it tastes bad, you go 'bleurgh' and don't eat it again. Like cauliflower. Cauliflower does that to me, so I don't eat it.
But this isn't a thing man can escape, at least not with the limited resources available in this town, and especially without the realisation that you do actually dislike it.
Its sticky texture, overpowering flavour and chemical aftertaste leave me wanting to murder my tastebuds twice a day.
That's right. Mint toothpaste.
Now that I've opened my mind to the repugnance of mint toothpaste, oh how I want to destroy Mr Colgate and his kin. The taste of minty hell every time I brush my teeth brings me to my knees.
I've just been reminded that there are other flavours out there. I tried one, years ago
- strawberry flavour. This was like the nectar of the gods - brushing was nice, almost peaceful. I remember feeling calm.
So tomorrow, when the shops open again, I'm going shopping for alternative flavours of toothpaste.
I'm rock and roll, me.
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